The Language He Left

Chapter 4: Kitazawa Yuki

            The language he left began in lessons and stories.  All the stories Kitazawa told him about the books he could read as his English improved.  They walked out in the city, and Kitazawa showed him places mentioned in Breakfast at Tiffany’s or Franny and Zooey.  When Eiri was with him, time flew by--hours and hours, whole days.  He was never bored; he didn’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else. 

The language he left began in endearments.  “I wish all my students could be like you, Eiri.  You’re so bright, so dedicated.  I shouldn’t play favorites, but I like you the best of all the kids I tutor.  I wish I could spend all my time with you.”

“You’re such a sweet boy; you should never change.”

“It was only a week, but I missed you; I won’t go away again.  I don’t like being away from you.”

“I really care about you, Eiri; you’re very special to me.  I want to be more than your tutor.  I want to be your friend if you’ll let me.”

“You’re a great kid.  I love you.”

“It’ll be our secret,” he said for the first time when he let Eiri try one of his cigarettes.  “Don’t let Seguchi know.”

Our secret. 

Alcohol was another secret.  Sometimes there was a smell of it clinging to his body, seeping from his pores.  In restaurants, in the posh café and bookstore that served it, he would always order wine, always more than one glass.  Eiri didn’t mind; it seemed to make him happy, affectionate. 

That first kiss tasted of wine. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you.  I got carried away.  Let’s keep this between us.  Please, don’t mention it to Seguchi; he wouldn’t understand.  You understand, though, don’t you?  I like you so much, Eiri; I just wanted to show you.  It was inappropriate.  I’m sorry.  I promise it won’t happen again.” 

It did.  More alcohol, on his breath now, more often.  Stopping in bars when he was out with Eiri.  He wasn’t as kind anymore.  He lost patience.  He got angry.  Eiri tried harder and harder to keep him happy.  It didn’t always work.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.  You know I’d never hurt you; you know I didn’t mean it.  I didn’t think I’d pushed you that hard.  Please, you have to forgive me.”

More kisses. 

More than kisses. 

“You can’t ever tell anyone about this; I could go to jail.  You liked it, though, didn’t you?  You came for me; you like it when I touch you.”

“It’s okay.  I won’t go any further.  I won’t make you do anything you’re not ready to do.”

“Why do I let you torment me like this?  Fuck you, fuck your brother-in-law’s J-pop money.  I’m never coming back here, never.”

“I love you so much.  I want to eat you, breathe you; I want there to be nothing else in the world but you.”

“You deserve this, you fucking tease.  You’ve been begging for this for a long time.”

Love.  Secret.  Sorry.  Torment.  Promise.  Fuck you.

                The words of the language he left.